I know this is not the first nor last time I have put a lot of time, energy, and effort into something just to have it all go to shit. I also know I am not the only person who’s had these experiences. So, for fun let’s imagine we are there.

There are a lot of behaviors that surfaced this morning after I had completely fucked up my website. I was going into obsessive negative thinking about what I had just done. Not to mention the impulsive act of deleting everything over the letter P. My anxiety was overriding everything. I was irritable toward my children and definitely not giving them my best self. So I packed us up and even though the weather forecasted rain we left the house. I swung by my mother in laws home to pick her up and we headed for the forest. We made sandwiches and ate snacks. We went for a little hike and hung out in the middle of the forest screaming. All 6 of us even the 10 month old baby and grandma were releasing it all. Then I dropped myself off and grandma took the kids to the park so I can give this all another go.

The message I’m trying to spread here is “do something different”. I could have continued down old paths and allowed old patterns to keep me vibing low but instead I went and did something different. I wasn’t looking to bleed my personal issues onto my children or succumb to my negative thinking traps. I needed to release some energy. I showed my kids one good way to do that. I had my mother in law there because she’s one of three safe people for me to co regulate with and she was also available. I did what I needed to do so I could come back here and try again.

Clearly whatever I had created and wanted to launch to the world wasn’t what it needed to be. So here’s to starting over again because failure is nothing but a lesson on what not to do next time.